Comments on: A Very Critical Look At Foster Care

By: jeff

jeff — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 12:27:11 +0000

wanda ,thank you for the beautiful words and most importantly your prayers. i know that prayer works miracles. thank you

By: Wanda

Wanda — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 03:35:04 +0000

Jeff- I’m so sorry for what you suffered at the hands of those who were supposed to be caring for you. It was wrong. I have prayed for you back in April and I am still praying for you. I was abused physically and sexually as a child and then at age 16 my mom gave me away when the man she wanted didn’t want children. It was then that I was raped 3 times. The only way I could make sense of it back then was to compare it to one of those animal kingdom shows where it portrays the herd together eating in a group and then the predator comes and they all begin to run but there is always one at the back, the one that is slow and has nobody to watch over it and that is the one that is always taken down. I was like that one. Once my mom gave me away the ‘predators’ knew that I was easy prey, as I had nobody watching over me.
My brother was 42 when he confided to me that he had been sexually used by 5 others as a young boy. He told me he was suicidal but I didn’t know what to do. I was so messed up from hiding my own suffering. It is exhausting to have to always pretend you are okay when deep inside you know that you’re not. He committed suicide just two weeks after we talked.
The one thing that I wish I had said to him is that it was wrong and he didn’t deserve that. I realize now it is also the one thing that I wish somebody had said to me. Most people just don’t know how to handle it so they say either the wrong thing or nothing at all. Silence speaks volumes though and it is usually intrepreted as not caring.
I’m so glad you are able to talk to your wife. That is huge! I kept all of mine secret for 33 years. My husband now has a better understanding of why I am the way I am.
You said it seems to be getting worse as you age rather than getting better which disproves the old adage that time heals all wounds. That is simply not true.
Please seek help such as a support group. Knowing that you are not alone and having others who understand goes a long way in healing.
I used to think that God hated me but now I know that He ached for me. God didn’t fail me. My family did.
I have now gone into prisons and shared my story and trust me, I never in a million years ever thougth I would talk about it to anyone, and certainly not strangers!
One day I wrote down something that I believe was from God for me and it has now come true.
“I will take your mess and build a nest and broken birds will flock there to be nurtured.”
I do want to caution you by letting you know that many people I reached out to only further hurt me. They simply don’t get it and although it could be said that many of them could have used a heart transplant, most just didn’t understand and couldn’t cope with my level of hurt and they couldn’t give what they don’t have.
So please, if you get hurt more before finding the right voices to help you, don’t you dare give up and climb back inside yourself. For me, I got mad when I realized that there are millions of us out there and I wanted to treat them the way I wish I had been treated when I showed my wounds. Wound sharing is a sacred thing and I will continue to pray for you to be strengthened.
I have a blog where I posted my story. (littlegirlme.wordpress.com) It took 12 years to write! I once heard someone say that getting free from our pain hurts for a while, but staying in our pain hurts forever. Bless you on your journey and please keep me informed as to how you are.
There is a Bible verse that I really love, you can find it in the book of Ezekiel chapter 16 and it goes like this-”on the day you were born you were unwanted…cast into an open field and left to die..but I passed by and I saw you kicking helplessly about in your own blood and I said LIVE!”
And that is my prayer for you.

By: NJ Marinaro

NJ Marinaro — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 15:59:16 +0000

Republishing a report with information from 1986, 1988, 1992, 1995 is good for historical information or to incite comment. Can the person publishing this report cite any new reports or is the best that can be done? Where are the references cited at the end of most paragraphs? I agree, from personal experience, there were many unqualified workers in the child care system 15 or 20 years ago. I don’t believe that is the case today. And yes, there is a high turnover rate in both foster care workers and foster parents. I do believe that there is a serious problem with kids transitioning out of the foster care system at 18 years of age. What happens to them and are there any long term studies of how they merge into society? This is an area that needs to be addressed. A 20 year old report is good to show a starting point, but where are we now?

By: jeff

jeff — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 18:00:39 +0000

i grew up under the “care”of the state of florida,and let me say that it hasen’t been easy until jus a few months ago,that i have started talking to my wife(just married) about the sex abuse i had to indure from caregivers that were supposed to “take care”of us,instead of us “taking care” of them (sexually)….i am wondering if this has some play on why i cant keep relationships or jobs?its even affected my sex life with my wife since i have started to talk with her about it ? im actually very mad about this…..and it seems to be getting worse as i get older because it haunts me everyday of my life.its something that dosent go away…the way i see it,they basically got away with it and that makes me even more mad! cant they be held responsible for this?

By: Wanda

Wanda — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 14:17:36 +0000

Dear Tiffany,
I am so happy that you are in a good place. I wish more people would become foster parents, and I agree with you completely about needing to look closer at those who are foster parents. I am a Guardian ad Litem and had a case where the children were being abused and nobody had listened to the children bc as my own supervisor said, “children in the system manipulate.” That is as ridiculous as saying that everyone with green eyes is greedy! I pushed forward and the woman lost her license and the children were moved.
God bless you Tiffany!

By: Stephanie Sellers

Stephanie Sellers — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 01:35:02 +0000

Dear Tiffany, In a perfect world there would be no need for fosters, welfare, a social system or orphanages. Even with good chances, good people do bad things sometimes and we must deal with the affects. Children left behind should be given a chance, a good chance, the best possible. Orphanages under strict guidelines with adoption initiatives is one possiblity to the failing foster care system. We all want that perfect love. Even with wonderful parents, we don’t always get it. I am sorry. Life is not fair. But believe in yourself. Be happy inside. Know that there are many praying for miracles in all our lives, especially the lives of America’s children. God gave us suffering for a reason. I know that. Suffering teaches us to help others, to reach out and make a difference. I believe you also know this, in your tender young heart.

By: Tiffany Saddler

Tiffany Saddler — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 20:02:14 +0000

first of all I have to say thank you to Teresa Kropp and her husband for not only being foster parents but for adopting them to. I live in Oregon and I have been in foster care for awhile now and I was placed in two different homes. The first home wasn’t right for me and i was then placed in with the family I am with now. In my mind my foster parents are mom and dad to me and I love them for all the time they spent making me feel like I was finally home.I think that the system is messed up and needs a lot of work but I don’t think that we should resort to Reincorporate Orphanages that’s just as bad as being unsure if the home your in now will be the last home you will be in or if you will be moved on to the next home for what ever reason.There are amazing homes out there for youth and I think that the way that the foster parents are picked needs to be changed and possible foster parents need to be looked at more carefully when being considered. I am sorry I cant say more because honestly I could go on for hours but I have to go please comment back I would like to know what you think about what I said.

By: Teresa Kropp

Teresa Kropp — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 21:03:15 +0000

My husband and I are currently foster/adopt parents to a 2 1/2 year old boy in Los Angeles(he’s from the LA County foster care system – DCFS). Before 1 1/2 years old, he has been in 4 foster homes before ours, one of which he was abused. We had him for almost one year. His birth mother rarely makes her weekly visitations with him, and yet she wants custody of him. He is allergic to dairy and egg products, and I suspect he has Crohn’s disease, yet the LA Children’s Court wants to reunify him with his birth mother, who has been a drug addict for 18 years. This child is the 11th child of hers; she has lost custody of all her other kids. Definitely the foster care system is very, very broken!

We adopted our 8 year old girl from the LA County foster care system – DCFS several years ago. She was found abandoned at 1 ½ years old by her mother. It took us with DCFS 3 years to get matched with her, and 2 years to finalize the adoption; a total of 5 years! Even foreign adoptions don’t usually take this long!!! Totally discourages anyone to be a foster/adopt parent with the LA County foster care system!

Not to mention that in 2009, 17 foster children deaths occurred within the Los Angeles Dept. of Children and Family Services, despite the fact that some foster parents have spoken up about the dangers of returning children to their parents/legal caregivers.

It’s too bad that there so many wonderful foster kids waiting to be adopted in Los Angeles, CA, yet the foster care system makes it hard for a foster/adopt parent to adopt! It’s ok to be a foster parent, but not to adopt! These kids deserve a permanent, loving home that they can call their parents Mom and/or Dad. One foster care system lawyer commented that it isn’t a big deal that our little boy is in a foster home; she said, at least he’s not dying. But obviously she doesn’t get it that the longer a child is in a foster home, the more it will kill his/her spirit and self-esteem. Every child should feel a sense of love, security, and belonging in a family.

By: Mike Tikkanen

Mike Tikkanen — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 16:24:10 +0000

During the twelve years I spent in child protection as a guardian ad-Litem, I worked with many caring and capable foster parents. This is a big issue that needs a good deal of discussion & I don’t expect that any single answer is going to solve it.

By: Stephanie Sellers

Stephanie Sellers — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 16:14:21 +0000

Drastic conditions require drastic measures. It is obvious that the charming idea of helping children acquire a normal family life is not a viable option. Reincorporate Orphanges. A system overlooked by a government facility would have less chance at abuse.
Private homes are not working.